Before I begin on my latest musing I want to take a second to explain why the hell I’m writing this blog anyway. The name of the blog isn’t meant to offend or shock. It’s the thoughts that a polite person who has to smile as people dump crap on them think all the time. Society says that we should not use profanity or be rude, even when people totally deserve it. And for the longest time, I let these thoughts build in my head until I realized something…Fuck society and their polite bullshit!
As the mother who smiles politely as she deals with PTA crap or the woman who tries to be the sweet one as a neighbor parks their car in front of her driveway, blocking it for hours or the lover who puts her lover’s feelings before her own only to discover that her own feelings are being trampled on, I say enough. Fuck them all.
This isn’t a diary of a pissed off woman, it’s a giant fuck you to proper society. It’s the true feelings that lie beneath the surface and never come out in hopes to keep the peace. In order not to slap the shit out of a Chinese delivery guy as I realize that not only did they not bring type of soda that I ordered, the extra soy sauce packets weren’t included and neither were the chopsticks, I think I need a healthy way to bitch slap those that need it.
Some people who know me are going to read things and say, “Wait a minute, I think she’s talking about me!” If you’re one of the people mentioned, you’re welcome. Better to read about my feelings here instead of hearing them screamed at you as I choke the ever living shit out of you. I will never use real names and I will try my best to keep my subjects general because I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had to deal with these people. So, now that I got that crap out…on to today’s message.
Guys, this one’s for you. Enough with your fucking PMS!! I’m so sick of these men who have mood swings faster than a pregnant chick. These guys can’t control their emotional outburst and frequently find themselves flipping the fuck out on us for stupid shit. And if one more man tells me that I don’t understand them and that they have bad days too, I’m going to finally let these dickless wonders have it. Men, you lucked out in the “what the fuck is my body doing now” department. You don’t have to worry about your body bleeding suddenly for days on end as you feel like your insides are being constantly hugged by boa constrictor. You will never have to experience the exquisite joy of looking down at your pants as you see the lovely blood red stain that a special time of the month brings.
If you don’t physically get to bleed, then STOP BEING FUCKING BITCHES AND LOSING YOUR FUCKING MINDS ON A REGULAR BASIS!!! I swear, I’ve never noticed before how many of the guys I’ve met get on the rag so fucking often! They get grumpy, they get moody, they fly off the handle for no reason, their feelings are paper thin and they get totally irrational. And I’m supposed to make them feel better? Fuck no! I’ve got my own period to worry about, so fucking quit your bitching! For all you sensitive dudes, slide your panties off and pull out the tampon. Look around the house to see if your balls rolled out of the way somewhere and sew them back on. You are men! Act like it! Because if you don’t, then I feel that we have total justification when we snap your dicks off during OUR special time.
There’s nothing wrong with being a sensitive man, a considerate man, or even a man in touch with his feminine side. But there is a HUGE problem with being an emotional nightmare. I can’t stand chicks who fly off the handle at the smallest thing and blame it on everything and everyone else. I don’t watch chick flicks and I don’t read the romance novels with Fabio on the cover. Why? Because I have enough fucking trouble dealing with my own emotions. I don’t need to deal with anyone else’s! It’s a full time job during that special time of the month not to rip into people who piss me off like a pitbull into a poodle. I try to make sure that the reason I’m ready to shove my foot so far into someone’s ass that I tickle their tonsils with my toes is a legit one. If I have to stop and control my emotions, so do you!
So to all you guys, let me say PMS is reserved for us! We have to bleed, so we claim the right to be emotional landmines! Don’t like it? Fuck off! And take your panties with you!
