The Last Will And Testament Of Kissa Meassa

This document was found among all of the balled up tissues and empty bottles of Tylenol following a horrifying bought with the flu.

I, Kissa Olive Meassa, being of foggy mind and sore, feverish body do hereby bequeath all of my worldly possessions to the first person who discovers a cure for the flu. I'm not talking about the "cures your symptoms for four to six hours and then fades away leaving you in a crying, puking ball of feverish snot" medicine. I want my crap to go to the one that invents the "holy shit! I can run, skip, dance, do advanced mathematical computations and dropped four dress sizes" wonder stuff! It can't wear off, it has to actually cure. If you are the lucky person who is able to invent such an advancement in medical technology then here's what you get:

1. Half my family's debt – Don't let it fool you, it's a fortune! Now, you may be dodging some phone calls for a few years and getting some threatening letters, but don't let that scare you. If you can hold out longer than they can, they might just forget the whole damn thing and walk away. So I'm doing you a favor by showing you how the rest of the real world actually has to live, thus reminding you that your medicine had BETTER be priced to allow people like me to afford it.
   
2. Half custody of my kids – Now this one may seem a bit alarming, but look at it this way, they help out a TON on tax return info! Not to mention, little hands can stir lots of little beakers in your labs. But no testing on my babies. I'll come back from the dead and beat the ever living shit outta you!
   
3. Half ownership of my husband – He might not like this one at first, but ladies, this should be an incentive for you to all up your game…He's hot…he's well-endowed….he's eager to please….*wink, wink*
   
4. Half of my crap – That's all the rest of the stuff that's floating around the house. If you feel like cleaning it, come and get it.
   

That's all I can leave for you, but this should make you work all that more diligently toward finding a cure. I know I'm fading fast…It's getting darker and darker…wait….never mind, it's actually getting dark out, but I know that if I could take my temperature I would see that it says 500 degrees. Sadly, it's at the foot of the bed and out of my immediate fingertip range, so we'll never know. As for my family, know that I loved you all and I'm sorry I didn't think a flu shot was needed. I WAS WRONG! I'm lying here in the dark, waiting for the sweet mist of oblivion to take me away…Oddly, it feels like the same sweet mist Nyquil brings…Damn it!!!! Stupid husband doped me up again! Ah, screw this….None of you rat bastards can have any of my fucking stuff. I'm keeping it all! You can all just….

 

Signed,

Kissa Olive Meassa