Ladies and gentleman we want to take a moment to thank you for choosing Fucktardia Airlines for today's journey. We will be taxing away from the terminal in just a moment so please feel free to look out the window and wave good-bye to all of your friends and relatives that have purchased your seats on today's flight. Make sure to fasten your seat belts as you will be slapped around by fate a time or two before we land in lovely Fucktardia, off the coast of Hell. In the event of a water landing, please remember to bend over and stick your head up your own ass and use it as a breathing apparatus. Don't mind the smell as you are probably used to it, being completely full of shit as you all are.
If you look out to your left, you will see the beautiful lives that you've destroyed and the people that you've offended and irritated for the last fucking time. While you were once a functioning member of regular society, you have chosen to contribute nothing lately and have actively become a pimple on the ass of life. The balmy weather of the life you're leaving is nothing compared to scorching hot temperatures of Fucktardia because in Fucktardia, they know that nothing is more fitting for assholes like yourselves then to burn hotter than hemorrhoids for the rest of your unnatural lives.
On your right, this is -such- a great treat for all you bastards that love to do nothing more than fuck over the people foolish enough to love you in any way, it's called Moving On Mountain! Isn't it beautiful? Just look at the happy people climbing out of the swamp of despair you left them sinking in and see them work their way out to find people worthy of the gift that you threw away so thoughtlessly. Let's have a hand for these brave, wonderful people!
Oh, now this IS a treat! As the plane banks to your left, if you look toward the rear of the plane you can see Get A Clue Canyon! It's a popular spot where thinking individuals frequent to brush up on the finer points in life all of you jackasses couldn't be bothered with. You know....common sense, compassion, understanding....No? I'm seeing a lot of confused faces here...Um...let me see if I can explain....Life isn't all about you. There is a wide world of people out here that seem to learn how to live together and they frequently try to help morons like yourselves by giving you clues to how they feel and what they need. They actually try very hard to give these clues to you but end up tossing them into Get A Clue Canyon since you all can't process anything that isn't actually affecting your personal existence. So, others pick up the clues that you so diligently leave behind.
We are now about minutes away from our landing area. Please form an orderly line at the side doors, don't worry about the fact that we don't seem to be slowing down. We as a society decided long ago that your kind wasn't fit to live anyway so this is your one and only chance to take a flying leap. But to aid in your hasty exit from our lives, we did put down a cushion to help you land. This way you can begin your life on the island of Fucktardia, home of the biggest and baddest fucktards that life has to offer. Um, yes...you there with your hand up. Oh, a return flight? Um...how can I put this gently....? No one wants you in their lives anymore so we've classified Fucktardia as an island with no outside contact. Yes, other than that big mat down there, we've done as much to make your lives here pleasant as you have done for ours all the years we've known you. So, before you all get the fuck out of here, allow me to thank you once again for flying Fucktardia Airlines. I'm your flight attendant Kissa Meassa and it has been a distinct displeasure to be near you in any capacity for longer than a millisecond. If you tire of Fucktardia, just remember you can hop in the water and go to Hell.
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